


Hormones Over Bros: Smacking Them Stupid

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-20
Updated: 2011-06-20
Packaged: 2019-01-19 16:39:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12413949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: It's James and Sirius's Sixth Year: The year that James actually decides to finally grow up, and the one where Sirius wishes he never did. Many OCs, but mostly canon.





	Hormones Over Bros: Smacking Them Stupid

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

** ( ** ** Author’s Note:  This counts as my first story here, and to be honest, I am pretty fond of it.  **

** Feel free to review whatever you’d like to, just remember that this still is the first chapter!)                                                        **

****

** Hormones Over Bros: Smacking Them Stupid **

** Chapter 1: Cold Shoulder **

" _You know I know just how you feel_  
I'm starting to find myself feeling that way too  
When you grace me with your cold shoulder…  
You shower me with words made of knives…" 

_ -Cold Shoulder, Adele _

She was sitting alone at a desk in the library, between high shelves near the open window, with a light breeze drifting through to the nape of her neck, fluttering the delicate masses of her black hair around her face. Her hand was incessantly reaching into a bowl of her newest infatuation and addiction, Brunello grapes.

He was in luck to have spotted her really, all things considered. If Lily Evans hadn't acted on whim and gone back to the library to review her Transfiguration essay for the umpteenth time, her stalker probably wouldn't have seen the girl until the Gryffindors went back to the common room to avoid getting caught again after curfew. Besides, the common room wasn't exactly the best place for harmless chitchat, what with annoying best friends popping up around everywhere, shoving something or other of suspicious nature under his nose.

He quickly debated whether or not to sit with her, or to follow Evans, hoping against hope that she'd say something like how secretly she can't resist him so he could finally win the two-year bet going on with Sirius.  _But then_ , he said to himself,  _what's the chance that someone'll bang up there in No-James-Land with Lily and she'll gush all about how undeniable the perfume of my sweat is?..._

He looked to his left and sized the other girl up. Would he regret not hanging out with her when he'd be willing to rake his skull of boredom as he watched Lily peruse her beyond perfect essay?

Did he really ask that question?

Shaking his head in a poor attempt to clear his befuddled mind, he took a step towards the brunette. With this step, he reminisced the ending of their last meeting. His right cheek still stung at the memory of her strong arm striking him. Apparently, lefties were exceptional at slapping offenders. However, before he could amend his irrational step towards She The Brutal, she looked up, having finally noticed his prone figure standing near her. Her bright blue eyes met his and he swore he saw a corner of her perfectly shaped and coloured mouth perk up slightly. Taking this as a sign of acceptance, admittance, and that her memory was by far weaker than her slapping skills, he hesitantly continued his path towards her. After a few moments delay, which he used to try to stare her out (and lost), he slowly and noisily slid the chair across hers from the desk and sat down.

"Hello Alexis," he greeted politely after swaying his chair as far as he could from her and her long arm, just in case.

"Excuse me James, but I believe that seat is taken," was her light reply as she popped another grape into her mouth.

He looked left and right, humoring her and her joke, and said, "By who?"

She chewed slowly, but countered without hesitance of mind afterwards, "By any one that can so easily pummel you to death."

He winced internally as he realized that her memory wasn't really that lacking.

"You do know that rules out your boyfriend Greg, right?" Chortling when she winked as a reply, he continued, "Not anyone can pummel me to death Lex…Besides, I'm known to have an iron will when I want something…" He thumped his chair down on all fours and leaned towards her. She however, stayed remote and disinterested when saying, "I take it that you want me?"

He took a few moments to mull the answer in his head. Did he want  _her_? No. Then why was he even there? No one could call them friends: They weren't in the same year, which meant that they barely had any classes together, they barely spoke to one another…Sure, she was on his Quidditch team, but even then, their interaction was along the lines of, "Stevens! Keep your effing eyes open and notice when someone's passing to you!" or "Bloody hell Stevens! Use your arm muscles or head back to the lockers and change for good!" She wasn't bad, far from it really. But he had to be tough on her, and he had the right to be. He never really understood her drive to play Quidditch. Why waste her time getting sweaty when she can file her nails, brush her hair, and giggle out gossip with her petty, hormonally driven girlfriends? How could he ascertain that she wouldn't back out on him when he needed her as the Hogwarts Quidditch season started? It was twisted logic that he alone grasped. What was out of his comprehension though was why he was there, sitting across from her.

"Get your head out of the gutter babe. All I wanted was to spend time with someone moderately interesting so I won't be forced to commit suicide as Evans finally decides that that sentence  _does_ actually work there." That was as close to the truth as he could get, but in reality, who cared?

She rolled her eyes at his inanity yet he could still detect a trace of humor in them. She looked at him skeptically for a few moments then leaned in playfully, effectively shortening the distance between them, and said, "So you plan to leave me be when she goes right?"

Before he could even think of a reply he became conscious of just how close she was. Her warm, teasing breath tickled his face and her eyes engulfed his. He noticed that under her thick, glossy lashes, the eyes were of varying shades of blue, with black interspersed here and there, fighting to be seen and appreciated as the beauty they were. He could tell that she was enjoying this playful banter, and that her confidence assured her of the power she had to take this  _wherever_  she pleased. She said something else, but instead of listening to her, he noticed her lips, their blemishes and delicacy, their splendor and captivation. Her lower lip was actually significantly fuller than the top, which looked much more soft, and was more red than pink.

As he looked on shamelessly at those lips, he made out that they were moving closer. He panicked: Should he ignore her and go back to watching Evans? Could he snog her? If he did, wouldn't that be bad for the Quidditch team?  _Bloody hell James_ , he yelled to himself,  _only you would tie Quidditch and snogging together! Get a grip and snog her, you reject, SHE'S RIGHT THERE!_

"Your breath smells like grapes _." Oh God. I deserve to die._

He watched as her eyes flashed and cooled, overprotective. She raised an eyebrow humorlessly, and slowly leaned back, away from him.

"Beg your pardon?"

James was screaming profanities in his head. Really, why did he have to sit with her? Why couldn't he have followed Evans, as he was usually wont to do? He tried to arrange his thoughts, and control the blush that was faintly creeping up his neck. She wasn't coming on to him, he grasped, she was taunting him. This was revenge. He wasn't used to this reaction from girls. Usually, whenever he annoyed them they'd do the cold shoulder thing. It was actually silly to expect him to run back to them when they only looked when they thought he wasn't, and Alexis evidently wasn't one for silly. What happened to the good old days when girls used to run off to locked rooms and cry out blood when they were upset? Chauvinist pig, he heard the Lily Evans in his head call. Shaking his head at his untimely psychosis, he raised his eyes back to hers. He was James Potter. No one plays James Potter.

He shrugged noncommittally and nonchalantly, as if he wasn't going crazy moments before, and replied, "I was just commenting that you'd probably taste like grapes if I had acquiesced to your wishes and snogged you."

She raised her eyebrow again, and her eyes flashed, this time with anger.

"If you had "acquiesced to my wishes" ?"

He nodded solemnly, trying but failing massively to hide his smile. She, however, did no job to conceal hers, and leaned in, closer than she was even before. She widened her eyes at him, an expression of complete innocence if her mouth hadn't curved up maliciously, "Mine or yours James? Mine or yours?"

As he opened his mouth to prove her wrong, he noticed a flash of red coming out of the depths of the library. Lily was leaving. He saw Lex, whose back was to Evans, lean back, placing her cheek on her hand, watching his reaction. There was no way she knew that Evans was coming from behind. Should he get up after she passed, and follow her out?

__ __ _ Do I want to _ ? , he thought.

__ __ _ Of course you want to! What's up with you today? That's Evans! _

__ __ _ A while ago, _   _you told me to snog Lex, now you want Evans. Bloody choose!_

__ __ _ It may come as a shocker to you, but I. AM. YOU. _

__ __ _ Look, I can't just up and leave now! Lex'll think I'm running away from answering her! _

__ __ _ Why the bloody hell do you care what Stevens thinks? _

__ __ _ Why in the name of Merlin's Great Grandson Billy did you tell me to snog her then? _

__ __ _ Oh God. _

He shook his head roughly, trying in another, albeit poor, attempt to clear it, and stared at Alexis, shaken that someone even had the power to confuse him like that. She chuckled at his expression and said, "Am I really that beautiful that your eyes turn round as galleons every time you look at me?"

He rolled his eyes instinctively, which made her laugh more. His irritation rising, he glanced around. Where had Evans gone? His brows furrowed as he swiveled in his chair and sought her ought with his eyes.

"She's at the door," came a patient voice behind him. And there she was, whispering to Isabelle. He watched them walk out of the library, confusedly asking himself why he wasn't following her.

Still in a daze, he turned around to face Alexis. She had her face propped on both her hands, her eyes wide, and her mouth curled up even more wickedly.

"You don't really need to try that hard, I'm starting to hate you already," he said exasperatedly.

She relaxed and leaned back into her chair, rolling her eyes and popping the last grape into her mouth, "Finally…"

* * *

"Come on Leid! Come back out of the bathroom!"

"Kate! You said you didn't have a camera!"

"I don't."

"Then what in the name of Merlin's alabaster carnations are you bloody holding against me?"

Leiden Gareth peered through the keyhole of the Girls' Seventh Year Dormitory ** _*_**  bathroom door at her wicked best friend. She could make out Kate's green eyes as she did the same. It had always seemed that Leiden landed herself in these kinds of situations, if it was heaving on McGonagall's shoes last week after a certain firewhiskey party in her dormitory or dancing around in a scanty, fluffy rabbit suit, as was the case then. After she had found out about her friend's intentions, which included taking said photo, she ran to the bathroom and effectively locked the door. Even so, Kate wasn't relenting. 

"First of all, I'm not holding anything against you. All I want is a picture of your  _furry little problem_ -"

"So that's what you're gonna call it?" interceded Cyprus, the only brunette currently in the room, from her bed.

"Give me a better name," replied Kate testily, placing a hand on her hip, turning to switch her glare to Cyprus.

"That is so not creative! You got that off of J.P.!" laughed Cyprus, not realizing that she was further digging her grave, one that she had hoped her friends, especially jeering at Kate, had forgotten.

Kate merely blinked, but then asked scathingly, " _J.P._?"

They heard the bathroom door creak as Leiden leaned towards it and piped in teasingly, "Ooh, Cyprus's gotten all cool on us Katie…" 

Kate snorted derisively, causing Cyprus to blush even more with the realization that her best friends thought her silly and that  _James Potter,_ __ who was even younger than her _,_  was out of her league. Before she could reply to defend herself, Leiden had finally found it in her to turn the tables on Kate.

"Where the bloody hell did you get the camera from Katie? Did you find it in another Boxer Searching in the boys' dorms? I thought you had said you'd only do it that one time in Fourth Year!"

"Shut up Leiden, you know full well that was a dare. One YOU dared me to do!"  

"Really, me? God I'm amazing, aren't I?" was Leiden's tauntingly dreamy reply.

"Yes, yes…Now come _ out _ !" Kate banged on the door as she said that in frustration.

"NO!"

Cyprus looked up from the charms textbook with which she was trying to review for tomorrow's test, if not for the current distractions, and said curtly, "Kate, if I were you, not that I'd want to be, I'd return Alexis's camera where she left it last before she returns from the  _peace and quiet_ __ of the library."

 Kate sighed heavily at Cyprus's innuendo, Leiden however, burst out of the bathroom yelling in triumph, "Ha bloody ha! Lex'll kill you if she found out you went through her things! Remember what she did to you last time?"

"How can she forget?” threw in Cyprus, with a vindictive wink headed Kate’s way, “Black keeps bringing it up whenever she's in hearing distance to him."

Leiden laughed in reminiscence, and said between giggles, "God that boy is funny…"

__ __ _ CLICK _

"YOU TRAITOR!" Leiden wailed, pointing an accusing finger at Kate, her long, dishwater blonde hair waving in her exaggeration.

Kate smiled sweetly, yet her eyes shown with apparent mischievousness, "One step closer Leid and there'll be a picture of you hopping around in bunny ears and a fluffy little tail in the Entrance Hall."

The costumed girl gaped at her best friend, "You wouldn't!"

The blonde’s smile grew, elucidating that she definitely would.

"Katie," interjected Cyprus, "Lex'll be here any second. It's probably nearly curfew."

Kate, as an avid disbeliever in wristwatches after she had heard that story about Alan Baker's cousin’s mom’s uncle or something turning into an Inferius because he allegedly wore a cursed one, glanced at the clock on her bedside table. She was too scarred after the detailed description of the pain he had endured that she didn't care when they informed her that it was all a sick, drunken joke to freak her out. Comparably, her heart thudded heavily in her chest when she saw that is was 9 o'clock sharp.

"Shit…"

Her whispers quickly climaxed to screaming vulgarities as she ran onto Alexis's bed, effectively ripping out a drawer from the bedside table as she tried to quickly stash away the indication of her treachery.

"Katie? Um, hun, what exactly are you doing on my bed?"

It would have been quite comical, with Kate freezing on the bed after hearing its owner's voice, her hand reaching towards the ripped out drawer, and Alexis glaring at her disbelievingly. However, it wasn't, but that's just because its consequences would ensure Kate humiliation that would shock Sixth Year's Sirius Black's arrogant mind to days on end before he can even think of good "annotations", as he liked to call them.

"Nothing…"Kate tried innocently, placing her cheek onto her right hand, and checking out her nails, as if lying on her best friend's bed after efficiently ruining said best friend's bedside table was of daily practice.

Alexis raised a threatening eyebrow, placing a hand on her swaying hip, "I don't know, but it looks to me like incriminating evidence, that."

Kate slowly raised herself from Alexis's bed, but replied nonetheless in a slightly defiant tone, "Well it wouldn't have been incriminating if you had come a few seconds later."

Alexis raised that eyebrow even higher, the one that had provoked James to near insanity, and smiled wickedly up at Kate. "We'll see what else is incriminating down in the common room tomorrow morning, oh," she raised a finger to her chin and she plopped down on her mussed bed, a picture of immoral thoughtfulness, "or enlarged in the Entrance Hall. Better yet," at that point, she began jumping on her bed, causing the covers to fall over, "The Great Hall! I bet I can get some help from those idiots who call themselves Marauders…"She trailed off as she had stopped jumping up and down, wondering if James would still help her after what had happened earlier.  _Stupid_   _berk,_ __ she thought to herself,  _can't even stop himself from hitting on anything alive with a 10 mile radius._  She looked back at Kate, who had her arms crossed across her chest, with her chin raised slightly, "You don't have the guts to do that to me again after what happened last time between us."

Restraining herself from raising her now overly used eyebrow, she resumed the task of ruining her bed. Understanding the underlying message, Kate huffed and began making her way towards the door of the dormitory to the common room. Alexis, finally feeling guilty, called out after her. Kate turned around, a look of complete and utter distrust on her face.

"Just apologize!" And there it was... Anyone who knew Kate found out some way or other that she was a tough cookie. Her life at home was a problem she couldn't even handle talking about, and her life at school was something too. She had had to deal with all the rumors of her continuing the family-slut-line and those about her alleged affairs with all the teachers who had asked her to wait for them after class due to some of her horrendous schoolwork. It was harsh work trying to convince the Hogwarts population that she wasn't some just dumb blonde with a stupid head bob, which had resulted after she had one too many firewhiskeys that one time and heard much too much jeers. Alexis fixed it as best she could and then made to assure all the pricks who had reduced her best friend to cut off her beautiful blonde locks that the scarring they would get would take ages to recover from. Joe Camber, a fellow Seventh Year Gryffindor, couldn’t be in the same room with any brunette for quite a while after what mysteriously happened to him one night. It was Alexis who had taught her never to regret anything, let alone torture to "the blasted dickheads who don't have any bloody life but suck the soul out of you and cackle as they watched you cry". She may have taken that advice too much to heart, but it still worked for her. Nowadays, no one dared to look twice at her nor did they have the guts to point or ridicule. That was also because Alexis would not hesitate to castrate them (males) or shave their head hair off (females) if they did. It had never happened before, but no one really wished to test her capabilities. Sure, it put a damper on Kate's future relationships, but that wasn't really a problem after swearing off all hot and sexy yet pricky guys for her own satisfaction alone.

All of that and more taught her that all people can be sick bastards, and that there wasn't any point in wasting time, moping around, wanting them to forgive you after you stole their boyfriend or humiliated them in public. After all, it was much more preferable to go to Sirius Black, giving him the full story so he can change it around in his ailing, creepy mind and spread it around, guaranteeing more contentment than a simple, "OMG! Your skirt is all red in the back!" in some crowded area after deliberately growing red spots with her wand.

So, there was no way she would apologize. The last time she had apologized was when she was forced by McGonagall after "accidentally" letting her gerbil (which had somehow sprouted long, poisonous fangs and a thirst for blood) loose in class.

Alexis, as the ever-aware best friend, knew all that, she just chose to ignore it. If it was because of her that her friend had turned into an inexorable psycho, it'd be because of her that she goes back to normal.

"No way Lex," she said, as was expected, with a hard, rebellious jaw.

Alexis sighed dramatically, jumping high, and then plopping cross-legged in mid air to land neatly on her bed. "Suit yourself," and as Kate turned to leave, she continued to the curl she was examining, "but don't you think that you're the only one who's got Black wrapped around her fingers…” After pausing at the door for a few moments, Kate left.

Alexis stared at the door for a while with narrowed eyes before realizing that there were, in fact, other people in the room, and that one of them was wearing a gray, leather bunny suit with a fluffy tail and bunny ears.

"I don't even want to know."

* * *

"Everyone, look who's just come! Katie, come sit next to me!" Sirius Black gestured to the chair next to his after he had kicked Peter Pettigrew off it mere seconds before. Kate slowly made her way towards him just as Peter walked off, disgruntled with his now bruised behind. She sat at the recently vacated seat, crossed her legs, and mentally prepared herself for seduction the likes of which the world had yet to see.

"So, how've you been Goldilocks?”

"Well, I  _was_  completely fine…" She sighed dramatically waiting for him to pick up on the hint and start his line of questioning and unabashed flirting. He, however, seemed too preoccupied with whatever he was doing, which, needless to say, was something she just had to find out about.

"What are you reading?"

He replied dully without even looking up from the admittedly thick and depressingly battered book, "Shocked I'm reading?"

She pondered how she could rephrase the words  _I always thought you were an illiterate, perverted baboon._ __ She had always questioned the methods he used to get his high marks and she knew for a near fact that he used to force Remus to read the Defense book out loud during fifth year…Yet there he was,  _willingly_  reading a book. On his own.

"I'm more shocked that the apocalypse hath come so soon. I mean, we're too beautiful to die Black, yeah?"

He snorted, "You got that right."

She stared at him for a while, exasperation rising, until she had no choice but to snatch the book out of his hands when he least expected, and read the cover. He protested loudly and grabbed it back, but it was too late, "Sirius, why are you reading that foul book for?"

He stared at her with flaming eyes, "I'll have you know that this book is no fouler than you during spring time mother-daughter bonding." Looking like she had been slapped in the face, she managed to reply with dignity, "You would know Sirius, wouldn't you?"

As he glared back angrily, obviously not comprehending her reply, she continued, "So I guess that's a yes for continuing the whole Dark Arts thing running in the family?"

"I'm required to read it in my Defense  _Against_  the Dark Arts Study Hall…With James…But I don't expect you to know, what with your D in your O.W.L" he seethed, foolishly not realizing that that was more reason for him  _not_ __ to read it.

"So wait, let me get this straight. Crawford told you Sixth and Seventh Years at study hall to read  _The Magick of Controlling A Werewolfe_?"

His resulting sneer was one which rivaled the Slytherins'.

"Fine. I'll go ask Alexis. She'd be with you in Defense Study Hall, if you're even in it, that is, right?" Forgetting that Alexis will probably not want anything to do with her until the day after at least, she got up. Right then, many things chose to happen at once. A bunch of rowdy Fifth Years got into a fist fight near the Boys' Staircase, Pettigrew showed up out of nowhere and was thrown into the fight, the portrait hole door swung open and in walked James Potter, Sirius started hissing at Kate like she was some mad cow in the middle of the road, and Alexis, followed by Leiden and a harassed looking Cyprus, decided to join in on the commotion in the post-curfew chaotic common room.

Sirius, spotting James before Alexis, gestured vulgarly for him to come. James, looking very weary and drained, and apparently finding the prospect of Sirius over-animated dissuading and demoralizing, walked slowly towards him and the still standing Kate.

"What's up?" he asked, as he plopped down on the couch next to Kate.

Kate interjected before Sirius could warn James about God-knew-what, "According to the  _studious_ __ Sirius Black, Crawford assigned you guys of the DADA Study Hall that foul book…I believe it's something like... _The Magick of Werewolfes_  or something…" She trailed off as she processed the look of utter confusion and bewilderment on James's face. It was then that Alexis chose to interfere.

"Oh,  _that_  thing! Yeah, the dingbat told us it would be useful or something," she turned to Sirius and continued testily, "I was in the library after dinner Sirius for  _ages_ __ looking for that book and it was  _you_ __ who checked it out?"

Kate turned to Alexis and asked stiffly, "You were in the library to get that book?" She persisted suspiciously, ignoring one of Alexis's innocent nods as only she could do them, "I thought you went to review Charms?"

Alexis rolled her eyes, for the thousandth time that day it seemed, already bored with the interrogation, "Yes  _Mum,_ __ but then I remembered the book. James was with me…Weren't you James? James?" She began poking James, who childishly refused to acknowledge her presence. "If you don't reply James I'll slap you just like I did last time," she warned. He looked at her loathingly, then turned to Kate and grunted in assent.

After staring at James intensely, Kate sauntered off with Leiden, following Cyprus who had gone to cheer on a nearly exploding deck of Exploding Snap between Sean Summit and Frank Longbottom. They were both bent intent and focused, working quickly and hoping to avoid the imminent blast.

"You idiot!" Alexis hissed angrily at Sirius, "What the hell do you think you're doing reading something like  _that_  in the  _common room_? You've got your own dorm to research about that shite! You're lucky it was only Katie!" She hit him hard on the back of his head, causing him to grunt in pain, and turned to James. He resolutely abstained from looking her in the eye, or looking at any part of her for that matter. She huffed at his returned immaturity, and headed back to her dorm, muttering to herself about "bloody juvenile idiots that can't handle the consequences of their incessant flirting".

When he made sure that she had definitely gone, James rounded on Sirius and hit him on the back of his head. "Ow!" He growled, "she just him me there too! Would you mind toning down the violence please?"

"Yeah? Well I can't coz you've chosen the wrong time to tone down the brain!" He scolded. "I mean, what the ruddy hell Sirius? This is the dratted common room, and you were reading that book here!"

"Look," Sirius tried, "I didn't know that Goldilocks would nose around  alright? I thought she knew about…you know…the furry little problem."

"Why the  _bleeding hell_  did you think she knows?" James near yelled, causing many a disparaging look from other Gryffindors. Speaking in a much lower voice than James's, Sirius answered, "Well, I thought that maybe Alexis might've told her…"

It finally dawned on James. Alexis knew, not only that, but she didn't care. As it appeared, she seemed to have no problem hanging out with a werewolf, or that the werewolf may or may not have had a crush on her in previous years…She was with him in Defense Against the Dark Arts Study Hall, so she knew all the dangers the Professors loved harping on and on about…She didn't care.  _Merlin, this girl's got to date Moony, heaven knows when's the last time he went out with someone decent..._ Then he realized that he had called Stevens decent. The same Stevens who slapped him a couple of days ago because he asked her if she worried that her gay Hufflepuff boyfriend would peep around the boys changing in his dormitory. The same Stevens who once brought an eyelash curler to practice. _That_ Stevens.

"You know what Prongs?" Sirius interrupted his inner ramblings, "I think it's finally dawned on me."

He was looking towards the Girls' Staircase, with his black eyebrows furrowed over his ice blue eyes.

"What's dawned on you?"

Sirius Black looked towards his best friend. He speculated how he could break it down for the boy who could only go so far when it came to emotions. He had known James for ages, and he had been the brother he wished for instead of what he had. There were always ways to explain something to James, like when he unintentionally broke his broom during Third Year, or when he groundlessly snogged his girlfriend in Fifth Year, and there would be a way to explain this.

Sirius cleared the table from anything James may be willing to chuck at him when he broke the news by elbowing and shoving everything onto the floor, and occasionally, the fire, all the while mentally preparing himself. He turned to face James again, who now looked somewhat apprehensive. Sirius deliberately chuckled so as to ease the tension, and announced, "Mate, remember when I told you that Remus had this crush on Lex? And then when we asked him, it turned out I was right, right?"

James nodded in consent, even though he had not really heard what Sirius was saying. He was thinking of that bed of his upstairs, in the dormitory. ..The fluffy pillows, and the warm bedspreads from his memory were tantalizing his exhausted self, and he vaguely questioned how long it would take Sirius to enlighten him with one of his impractical and asinine ideas.

"So you trust my judgment when it comes to these kinds of things…yeah?"

James nodded once more, now contemplating whether it would annoy Sirius if he fell asleep then and there…

"Yeah, well I have this theory…James, are you even listening to me?" Sirius watched as his tired friend's lids began to droop over his hazel eyes and snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"Fine," was his irritated reply to James swatting his hands away, "fine. But when you find the urge to say yes when Lex asks you out, don't come to me for help got it?" James's eyes flew open along with his jaw. He had already contemplated this before, and he had reached the conclusion that he had no feelings for Alexis. Besides, everyone knew that he had feelings for Evans, so where was this coming from?

__ _ Maybe Stevens told Sirius about what happened before in the library… _

__ _ I doubt it. She left a few moments before me, and she definitely had no time to tell Sirius. _

__ _ How're you supposed to know that exactly? _

__ _ It's not like anything really happened in the library! _

__ _ When has it been beneath a girl to lie? _

__ _ Fine, let's say she found some time to fib out to Padfoot, which I still doubt, why would he think I'd want to ask her out? He knows I'm as big a flirt as he is! _

__ _ Ask him then and be off with it…but when you realize I'm right- _

__ _ I thought it was decided before that we are the same person? _

Cogitating whether or not he should seek medical advice about this nasty new habit he had developed that day, he leaned towards the aggravated Sirius with a mischievous grin on his face and whispered huskily, "Me and Stevens out on a date? Imagine all the deaths resulting, Sirius, from that errant thought of yours!"

Sirius sighed jadedly, and looked at his friend sympathetically, "I pity you Jamesie Boy…"

"I'll hit you again Sirius, you know I'll do it…"

Using his puppy-dog face, Sirius commented on the current state of teenagers and how it seemed they constantly resorted to violence. James's reply was, expectedly, that if he didn't bloody tell him what he was nattering about he would be hexed so bad that Madam Pomfrey would run screaming in the opposite direction when he went to seek out her help.

"Fine, you wacked out boy…I think she likes you."

James snorted derisively, showing his opinion. Shaking his head at his idiotic friend's behavior, he amended, "Scratch that.  _You_ like  _her_."

James stared at Sirius for a while, wondering what he should do or say. Did he like her? No. It had been discussed and established. So how did Sirius get into the completely ruddy issue?

* * *

** (A/N: Boys' Sixth Year Dormitory: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter **

**           Girls' Sixth Year Dormitory: Chelsea Armin, Lily Evans, Mary MacDonald, Isabelle Wilde **

**           Boys' Seventh Year Dormitory: Alan Baker, Joe Camber, Frank Longbottom, Sean Summit **

**           Girls' Seventh Year Dormitory: Leiden Gareth, Cyprus Minnelli, Alexis Stevens, Kate Sumner **

** Oh and they all call Kate Katie, so it's not a recurrent typo) **

 


End file.
